I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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