you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
