If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do vagina's smell?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
