Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
