Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
