This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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