Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dignity is for republicans.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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