He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
