Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just invented taco cereal.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
