Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
