he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
