I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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