I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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