paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is classic penis vs brain.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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