my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize