you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
