my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
