No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize