I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am one with the molecules
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
