It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
