TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
