I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
