I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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