Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
