I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
