The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
