it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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