either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
