**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
