summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
