Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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