I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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