New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
