i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
