I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
