Define "chronic" masturbator.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
