I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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