I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
