Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
