I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
