hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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