dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
