im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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