fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
