so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
