I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am one with the molecules
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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