dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
