That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
