Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
