Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize