I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
