u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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