While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
