If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
