Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
