shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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