No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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