i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
