you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
