do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
