How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
