i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
