our cab driver is having phone sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're a waste of cheezeits
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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