While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
