i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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