I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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