I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
