Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
