he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
