He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
