He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
