I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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