okay pat passed out under dana's car
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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