Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
