Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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