you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
