Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
