The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
NoShamevember. You game?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
