the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize