I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
