I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
