Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My cat gives me a boner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
