ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
