The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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