I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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