If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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