Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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