the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
