You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
