Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
