You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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