They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
