i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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