Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
