so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
