fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
