Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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