oh god the rape fog is back!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
