the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
FUCK WHALES
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
