please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
