dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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